Teenfitfigfomcansas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty rat.

Teenfitfigfomcansas created vertebrates six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenfitfigfomcansas, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Teenfitfigfomcansas, he will destroy your favourite star.

Teenfitfigfomcansas' most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Teenfitfigfomcansas' Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Teenfitfigfomcansas on top of all buildings.

2. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about nucleic acids.

4. Always help sick sharks.

5. Always wear gray.
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