Woncumcad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, fast cow.

Woncumcad created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Woncumcad, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Woncumcad, she will torture you forever.

Woncumcad's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Woncumcad's Holy Commandments

1. Woncumcad loves horses, so they must be respected.

2. Put Woncumcad first in all things.

3. Always help porpoises.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.