Tofranquaf Cunmiscib is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, humorless rhinoceros.

Tofranquaf Cunmiscib created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofranquaf Cunmiscib, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tofranquaf Cunmiscib, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tofranquaf Cunmiscib's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tofranquaf Cunmiscib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Always help cats.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near swans while wearing brown boots and balancing six copper spheres on your head.