Lakvenlin is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, self-assured hydra.

Lakvenlin created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakvenlin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lakvenlin, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Lakvenlin's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Lakvenlin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight ants approach from the west.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never go into mauve rooms.

4. Never paint your hands purple.

5. Never run near dogs.