Nurlhontip Arptinrap is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, moody swallow.

Nurlhontip Arptinrap created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlhontip Arptinrap, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Nurlhontip Arptinrap, it will torture you forever.

Nurlhontip Arptinrap's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Nurlhontip Arptinrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never think about spacetime near rats while wearing violet shorts and balancing four platinum spheres on your legs.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never feed grapes to voles while wearing boots.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.