Batarptik is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, astonishing cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Batarptik created an electron seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batarptik, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Batarptik, he will curse you with boils.

Batarptik's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Batarptik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never talk about nucleic acids.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

4. Never paint your head indigo.

5. Learn five new languages a year.