Kankaptonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, emotional chicken.

Kankaptonk created life three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kankaptonk, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kankaptonk, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kankaptonk's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kankaptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn gulls for they are unholy.

2. Kankaptonk must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never wear indigo tights.

4. You must never eat parsnips.

5. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Kankaptonk in the centre of the settlement.