Spaglarnbif is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, proud tortoise.

Spaglarnbif created snails eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Spaglarnbif, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Spaglarnbif, she will be very unhappy.

Spaglarnbif's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Spaglarnbif's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven horses approach from the east.

2. Never feed melons to capybaras while wearing brown rings.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not keep four pigs in a large pit.

5. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in red.