Pangcumjinpop is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy mole.

Pangcumjinpop created the Sol system three million years ago.

If you believe in Pangcumjinpop, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Pangcumjinpop, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Pangcumjinpop's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Pangcumjinpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near monkeys while wearing violet tights and balancing eight titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Pangcumjinpop must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.