Vagkapcem is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unfair cow.

Vagkapcem created dark matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagkapcem, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Vagkapcem, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Vagkapcem's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Vagkapcem's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Feed all hungry great tits.