Gesshamarmjin is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, proud wombat.

Gesshamarmjin created Europe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Gesshamarmjin, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gesshamarmjin, it will turn you into a dog.

Gesshamarmjin's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gesshamarmjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Never talk about dwarf planets.

3. Do not wear blue clothing.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never hurt whales.