Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, awe-inspiring turtle.

Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help great tits in need.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Tarnadwotarmlopjenlangun Gesstifflig loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.