Hakzimmum is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, boastful toad.

Hakzimmum created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakzimmum, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hakzimmum, it will curse you with boils.

Hakzimmum's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Hakzimmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into orange rooms.

2. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near monkeys while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing five carbon spheres on your feet.

5. Never play with disobedient children.