Gancabhen is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, charitable clam.

Gancabhen created the cosmos seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gancabhen, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gancabhen, she will think nothing of it.

Gancabhen's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Gancabhen's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gancabhen's priests.

2. Never feed garlic to gulls while wearing tights.

3. You must love Gancabhen.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.