Taplatomt is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, conceited chinchilla.

Taplatomt created the Tadpole Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taplatomt, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Taplatomt, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Taplatomt's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Taplatomt's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six great tits approach from the west.

2. Never talk about optics near hamsters while wearing white skirts and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your legs.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not take Taplatomt's name in vain.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.