Somparkyat Arncadquag is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, humorless alligator.

Somparkyat Arncadquag created snails seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somparkyat Arncadquag, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Somparkyat Arncadquag, he will turn you into a mole.

Somparkyat Arncadquag's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Somparkyat Arncadquag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Somparkyat Arncadquag in the centre of the settlement.

2. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Somparkyat Arncadquag in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not wear gold on your body.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Voles are not to be trusted.