Legmilwit is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, happy alligator.

Legmilwit created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Legmilwit, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Legmilwit, she will turn you into a goat.

Legmilwit's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Legmilwit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Legmilwit must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think ill of sick dogs.

5. Never wear boots.