Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, contented lobster.

Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag's Holy Commandments

1. Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Put Sattikdamfagbifbodtigpag first in all things.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Hide if nine dogs approach from the east.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.