Zignulstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, fussy gorilla.

Zignulstaf created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zignulstaf, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zignulstaf, she will turn you into a snail.

Zignulstaf's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Zignulstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near badgers while wearing black tights and balancing nine silver spheres on your hands.

3. Never write about eukaryotes.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never go into orange rooms.