Kapwikkamlakyarlcibneggad is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, caring giraffe.

Kapwikkamlakyarlcibneggad created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapwikkamlakyarlcibneggad, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kapwikkamlakyarlcibneggad, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Kapwikkamlakyarlcibneggad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Kapwikkamlakyarlcibneggad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near ducks while wearing yellow kilts and balancing five platinum spheres on your hands.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

3. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

4. Run away if eight goats approach from the east.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.