Podtapmon is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, blissful hummingbird.

Podtapmon created oxygen six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Podtapmon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Podtapmon, he will turn you into a plant.

Podtapmon's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Podtapmon's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Put Podtapmon first in all things.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Do not eat limes.

5. Podtapmon loves doves, so they must be honoured.