Quatwegbog is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, overgenerous seal.

Quatwegbog created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatwegbog, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quatwegbog, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Quatwegbog's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Quatwegbog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn whales, for they are unholy.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quatwegbog.

4. Do not wear green clothing.

5. Do not commit murder.