Dumtongumgabponkar is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthinking dryad.

Dumtongumgabponkar created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Dumtongumgabponkar, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dumtongumgabponkar, she will turn you into a slug.

Dumtongumgabponkar's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Dumtongumgabponkar's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never write about ultrasonics.

3. Do not eat rice.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never think about dark energy near eagles while wearing black ear rings and balancing six iron spheres on your neck.