Dutlenfem is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, boastful swallow.

Dutlenfem created an electron two billion years ago.

If you believe in Dutlenfem, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dutlenfem, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Dutlenfem's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Dutlenfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair orange.

2. Never feed coconuts to swans while wearing purple hats.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Ducks are not to be trusted.

5. Never hurt bats.