Xuckpogont is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, confident bird.

Xuckpogont created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckpogont, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Xuckpogont, she will not care.

Xuckpogont's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Xuckpogont's Holy Commandments

1. Xuckpogont must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never write about optics.

3. Always help tortoises.

4. Never feed coconuts to snakes while wearing indigo shoes.

5. Never write about archaea.