Jopcusstonk is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, clever newt.

Jopcusstonk created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Jopcusstonk, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jopcusstonk, it will jump up and down on your head.

Jopcusstonk's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Jopcusstonk's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine silver sculptures of Jopcusstonk on top of important buildings.

2. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Jopcusstonk in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near badgers while wearing magenta kilts.

5. Never feed melons to cats while wearing rings.