Bellruttkan Bagkenzak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, capable whale.

Bellruttkan Bagkenzak created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Bellruttkan Bagkenzak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bellruttkan Bagkenzak, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Bellruttkan Bagkenzak's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bellruttkan Bagkenzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help birds.

2. Erect a giant red sculpture of Bellruttkan Bagkenzak in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near bats while wearing gray skirts and balancing six gold spheres on your arms.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.