Tettiloopsin is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, awesome grasshopper.

Tettiloopsin created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiloopsin, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tettiloopsin, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tettiloopsin's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Tettiloopsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of dogs.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Never paint your head magenta.

4. Erect five lead sculptures of Tettiloopsin on top of important buildings.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.