Quamtoffoss is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, dishonest weasel.

Quamtoffoss created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quamtoffoss, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamtoffoss, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quamtoffoss' most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Quamtoffoss' Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Never think about chromosomes.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Do not drink alcohol.