Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, capable tapir.

Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem created energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem, she will refuse to believe in you.

Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Sagtunyok Artzogbumgem loves sheep, so they must be respected.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Never think about special relativity.

5. Never hurt grasshopers.