Tettijigquill is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, self-assured donkey.

Tettijigquill created bats two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettijigquill, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tettijigquill, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tettijigquill's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Tettijigquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lentils.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Never sing in holy places.