Lopvolvog Luncimfub is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, witty cow.

Lopvolvog Luncimfub created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Lopvolvog Luncimfub, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lopvolvog Luncimfub, she will turn you into a snail.

Lopvolvog Luncimfub's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Lopvolvog Luncimfub's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never talk about chlorophyll.

5. Do not commit murder.