Jarnpinwad is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unfair snake.

Jarnpinwad created snails four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnpinwad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnpinwad, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jarnpinwad's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Jarnpinwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silver on your body.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never leap in holy places.

5. Do not shave your hands.