Somcimfar is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, unjust cat.

Somcimfar created the planet Earth eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Somcimfar, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Somcimfar, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Somcimfar's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Somcimfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Somcimfar's name in vain.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near dogs while wearing blue jumpers.

3. Erect a giant purple sculpture of Somcimfar in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never paint your face magenta.