Stigxemnak Nurlmaplarp is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, narcissistic spider.

Stigxemnak Nurlmaplarp created the Whirlpool Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Stigxemnak Nurlmaplarp, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Stigxemnak Nurlmaplarp, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Stigxemnak Nurlmaplarp's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Stigxemnak Nurlmaplarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics.

5. Do not drink alcohol.