Haphudcub is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, duplicitous swallow.

Haphudcub created a down quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Haphudcub, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Haphudcub, it will destroy your home solar system.

Haphudcub's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Haphudcub's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick badgers.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Erect a giant green sculpture of Haphudcub in the centre of the settlement.

4. Haphudcub loves great tits, so they must be respected.

5. Do not hurt grasshopers.