Bigweehog is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, awesome dog.

Bigweehog created humankind seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigweehog, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bigweehog, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bigweehog's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Bigweehog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Bigweehog loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

3. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Run away from purple porpoises, for they are unholy.