Ontsasgum is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, unsympathetic whale.

Ontsasgum created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontsasgum, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ontsasgum, it will strike you with lightening.

Ontsasgum's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Ontsasgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always help sick birds.