Bumlamqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, self-assured wolf.

Bumlamqueeg created the Milkyway five million years ago.

If you believe in Bumlamqueeg, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bumlamqueeg, it will boil you in a big pot.

Bumlamqueeg's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Bumlamqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never gather three goats near doors.

4. Never touch oil while clean.

5. Bumlamqueeg loves whales, so they must be respected.