Figtinnegpidbumban is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, bad-tempered aardvark.

Figtinnegpidbumban created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figtinnegpidbumban, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Figtinnegpidbumban, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Figtinnegpidbumban's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Figtinnegpidbumban's Holy Commandments

1. Figtinnegpidbumban loves seals, so they must be honoured.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.