Tansterbam is a god.

He takes the form of a large, calm turtle.

Tansterbam created the planet Venus three million years ago.

If you believe in Tansterbam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tansterbam, he will throw large rocks at you.

Tansterbam's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Tansterbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to gulls while wearing ear rings.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Run away from blue shrews, for they are unholy.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never wear hats.