Lagsakxuckwad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, omniscient bear.

Lagsakxuckwad created humankind six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagsakxuckwad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lagsakxuckwad, he will destroy your favourite star.

Lagsakxuckwad's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Lagsakxuckwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Lagsakxuckwad loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat limes.

5. Never talk about badgers.