Bafhakmif is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, calm cobra.

Bafhakmif created the planet Mars three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bafhakmif, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bafhakmif, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bafhakmif's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Bafhakmif's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Bafhakmif must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never run in the presence of horses.

4. Never talk about dark energy near snakes while wearing fawn shorts and balancing eight zinc spheres on your neck.

5. Fast once a month.