Tofcudlun is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, slow pigeon.

Tofcudlun created the solar system three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofcudlun, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tofcudlun, he will turn you into a goat.

Tofcudlun's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Tofcudlun's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tofcudlun.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Always help mice.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Never talk about fire.