Ditquagquag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, irritating meerkat.

Ditquagquag created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ditquagquag, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ditquagquag, she will turn you into a puffin.

Ditquagquag's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ditquagquag's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

2. Never talk about eagles.

3. Do not dye your hair indigo.

4. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Ditquagquag in the centre of the settlement.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ditquagquag.