Flatjamquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, proud grasshopper.

Flatjamquaf created humankind two billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatjamquaf, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flatjamquaf, it will turn you into a sheep.

Flatjamquaf's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Flatjamquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Flatjamquaf in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not eat limes.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not chant in public.