Hakbaplag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, calm skunk.

Hakbaplag created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakbaplag, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakbaplag, it will come to you in dreams.

Hakbaplag's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Hakbaplag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Hide if nine horses approach from the east.

5. Always obey Hakbaplag's priests.