Dograkbit Cuntinzim is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, egotistical ferret.

Dograkbit Cuntinzim created gold four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dograkbit Cuntinzim, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dograkbit Cuntinzim, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Dograkbit Cuntinzim's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Dograkbit Cuntinzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about enzymes.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never feed strawberries to squirrels while wearing corsets.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Retreat if seven eagles approach from the east.