Lopjinfub is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, charitable mink.

Lopjinfub created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopjinfub, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Lopjinfub, she will be mildly annoyed.

Lopjinfub's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Lopjinfub's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never gather six grasshopers near doors.

3. Remain kneeling during prayer.

4. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

5. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.