Flapjonarn is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, vain hydra.

Flapjonarn created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapjonarn, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flapjonarn, he will come to you in dreams.

Flapjonarn's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Flapjonarn's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Flapjonarn in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not listen to music.